Mandatory Break Cycle

Well, my left ovary strikes again.  Normally, it's sitting up stupidly high and I have to do all manner of stupid human tricks to enable them to see it on ultrasound.  In addition to that, today, the darn thing decided to be even more dumb.  I see it on the screen and manage to say, despite my position as a  human pretzel, "Is THAT a follicle?!  What is it doing there?!"  Yes, ladies and germs, I have a big, fat follicle on my left ovary.  The same ovary I ovulated out of last cycle.  It's not a corpus luteum, because it doesn't light up when they do their magical "light up my ovary like the 4th of July" thing.  The tech (who I hadn't met before.  Who knew there were techs there I hadn't met?!) didn't think it was a cyst either.  So, as I waited for the nurse to call me back for what would usually be my "let's up your follistim" talk, I texted Nick and told him they'd probably cancel it.

Sure enough, my favorite nurse and I talk and when the PA finally calls back, I hear her say that I should take a cycle off.  I thought I'd be more upset, but I'm ok.  The nurse put her hand on mine and said how sorry she was that this was happening.  I told her it was alright, I just wish I hadn't had to drive forever to hear it.  We went over the calendar and she told me when to try and time my next cycle to get in before their holiday hours get messed up in December.

Then comes the dilemma.  We had planned on this being our last cycle until January to save time and money during the holidays.  With 14 siblings, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 niece, and 6 parents (not to mention the 3 of us) to buy for, any money we can save is much appreciated.  So, I guess now we need to decide whether we'll try to do another cycle in November/December or not.  I had really hoped to be pregnant by the time Blackberry's due date came around, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. 

Boy, is January going to suck.

Anyone want to work for me for the entire month of January?

A Letter or Two

Dear Pregnant Facebook Friends Who Are Due Within Days of My Would-Be Due Date:

Please shut up.

I don't want to hear about your baby using your bladder as a trampoline and how inconvenient that is.

I don't want to hear about your cravings.

I don't want to read your weekly "my baby is doing this" updates.

I want to sit and have a pity party.

And you're not invited.

~Krystal

PS~ Idiot 18 year old new mother who was my patient the last two nights:

You're an idiot.

It's not appropriate to ask someone who has just informed you that their only child is adopted whether or not they are able to have children.

Next time, someone may punch you.

They don't want the reminder that stupid 18 year olds can do something with zero effort that they can't do with all the money and medication in the world.

K, thanks.

~Krystal

(I'm in a bad mood.  Can you tell?)

I Tested

...BFN.

It was 1 hour shy of 13dpo.  I'd held my pee for 6 hours, so surely it's an accurate result.  I'm going to stop my prometrium suppositories.  I'll probably test again tomorrow, because I'm a glutton for punishment.

As usual, after trying to just act like it didn't affect me (while I brushed my teeth and Nick tilted the test back and forth trying to see any semblance of a line), I spent the obligatory 10-15 minutes crying over the unfairness of it all.  Then, once my sheets and pillowcase were wet from my tears, I decided I was done crying over it for awhile and we went to bed.

Nick wants me to talk to the RE about his count and see if he needs to go back to be seen by the urologist.  I just want to up my meds and have 2 eggs!  For the love of pete!  I think our insurance only covers 7 iui's total, so I guess we need to figure out what we're going to do.  I hate to use up all our iui's and have none left if we wanted to try again after having a baby.  So, I don't know. 

This whole thing really just makes me want to have a pity party and I have to make a conscious effort to not.  It's so hard in my line of work when I see stupid 16 year olds having babies and 20 year olds on their third child.  I've been trying to get pregnant to varying degrees for almost 4 years!  I always wanted a large family, but at this rate, I'll be doing good if I can manage to have a baby in addition to Asher.  I know my biological clock isn't ticking or anything, but I don't imagine it's going to get any easier the older I get.  If I can't manage to get it done at 21, 22, 23, or 24, what are the odds it's going to be easier at 31, 32, 33, or 34?  It's just so easy to get discouraged.  Sorry you all have to hear me whine all the time. 

I'm Still Here

I promise I haven't abandoned you all.  And I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seat wondering where I am. lol  I'm just plugging away with my two week wait.  We're currently...uh...11 days post ovulation (I had to look at a calendar, that shows just how chill I'm trying to be about the whole thing).  I'll probably test Friday or Saturday.  I don't really have a strong feeling either way, although I lean more toward "not pregnant" than "pregnant." 

There's nothing symptom-wise.  Of course, I felt perfectly normal  (save sore breasts, which I attributed to the prometrium suppositories) until like 6w3d with Blackberry, so I probably shouldn't expect any symptoms even if I am pregnant.  The only thing that might be worth mentioning is a major TMI, so read with caution.  I seem to be having a large amount of discharge.  It's clear, so I'm not concerned about infection or anything.  I don't know if it's from my prometrium suppositories or what.  I've never had it before, but I'd never had the head aches either (those are gone now, btw), so who really knows?

In other news, we're looking to maybe buy a house sometime soon.  We currently rent from my grandparents, but would love a place to call our own (not that our current house doesn't feel like home).  Also, building some equity would rock.  Also, we're still struggling with Asher's potty training.  It makes me want to drink.  I talked to his pediatrician (who I see at work regularly) today and she gave me some pointers that we will probably try.  It can't hurt, right? 

Anyhoo, how are all of you doing, dear readers?

A Quick Question for my Knowledgable Readers

So, I'm taking my Prometrium twice a day, like I've done the last two cycles.  Except, this time, I think it's causing me headaches.  I started them Sunday and Sunday, Monday and today I've had headaches for at least part of the day.  It seems like I've heard of this being an issue, but I can't remember for sure.  Also, I just find it odd that I've never had this problem either of the other cycles that I've used it. 

Any advice ya'll have would be nice!

Dr.Google and I are Fighting

So, someone needs to make me stop googling stuff!  It only ever proves to freak me out!  Ugh!

We had our IUI today.  It was a good time overall.  Nick got to look at my cervix and inject the stuff himself, which he thoroughly enjoyed.  We watched "Glee" on Hulu (for the first time, I might add) in an abandoned waiting room at the clinic while waiting for the lab to get done processing our sample.  They gave us a little buzzer thing like you'd get when you go to a restaurant that lit up and buzzed when they were ready for us.  The procedure itself was largely painless.  Just some mild cramping when she put the catheter in.

I had asked the nurse performing the procedure if she knew how Nick's count and such was.  She gave me a piece of paper with all the information on it.  (Here's where Dr.Google comes in!)  I've been googling for awhile now, and I'm kind of freaked out about it, I guess.  Since I know you all are amateur urologists/REs, here's what we're working with (I'm sorry, Honey):

Pre-Wash                                           Post-Wash
Total: 94,850,000                               Total: 6,690,000
Total Motile: 30,150,000                    Total Motile: 5,690,000
Percent Motility: 31.78                        Percent Motility: 85.04
Count: 24,320,000/ml                         Count: 12,630,000
Motile/ml: 7,730,000                          Motile/ml: 10,740,000

So, what concerns me is the motility.  According to what I've found, 40% is the lowest in the "normal" range (pre-wash, of course), and we're well below that.  And the motile/ml value is "normally" above 8 million.  We're only slightly below that, I guess.  I read on this blog that they like to have greater than 10 million total sperm in the post-wash sample for an IUI.  They'll still do it (obviously), but in a perfect world, that's what they want. 

No one mentioned anything about it to us, so they must not be concerned.  Also, when we first started seeing the RE, they had Nick go see a urologist.  He did 2 analyses on him and said everything looked fine.  He did mention a small variocele, but didn't think it warranted surgery at that point.  Of course, we were supposed to go back and see him in a year and didn't do it. 

I'm just worried (a lot, quite frankly) about the combination of a less than optimal post-wash sperm count and only one follicle.  I just feel like it's never going to happen.  I mean, for the love of pete, I had TWO follicles and did timed intercourse and got pregnant in April.  Why isn't my body cooperating now?!  Any info or advice ya'll might have would be greatly appreciated.

(And, Baby, just know that I wouldn't love you any less even if you had no sperm!  I'm sorry if having your sperm counts posted online makes you uncomfortable, but, in my defense, you're asleep and not here to give me permission.  haha  Also, this is what I'm chanting to your boys in my head:

I love you!)