Not Much to Report

Sorry for the silence here in blog land.  I don't have much to talk about right now.  We're just kind of status quo.

On the TTC front, we're just waiting for AF.  I finished the provera last Wednesday and the witch is still nowhere to be seen.  I'm still having some progesterone-y side effects, which are kind of annoying, but whatever.  Once she arrives, I'll get my femara refilled and get going on the last attempt at that.  I've assigned Nick to call the insurance and figure out what we need to do insurance-wise to move on in the new year.  (I used to call them myself when I had a question, but they make me so mad that I want to swear at them, and I don't even swear! Ugh! They drive me crazy!)  I believe that Dr.D said the next step would be an HSG before moving on to injectibles.  Fun, fun.

On the family front, we went to Tanner's Orchard last weekend and had a great time.  Here's a couple of pics.

 

I also gave the boys haircuts Sunday night.  They look super cute!

That's about it.

Nick and I are going to a dinner theater tonight and Asher is going to grandma and grandpa's.  Fun should be had by all.   

Too Many Thoughts = Random Picture Post

I'm feeling mentally "blah" again. So, enjoy this while I try to think of something pertinent to say.

 

I ran across this on a couple of blogs recently and thought it looked like fun.  You just answer the questions with google images. Enjoy!

1. Your favorite beverage:

2. Your hometown:


3. Your favorite television show:


 
4. Your occupation:


 
5. Your first car:


 
6. Your favorite dish:


 
7. Celebrity you've been told you most resemble:


 
8. Celebrity "crush":


 
9. Your favorite childhood toy:


 
10. Any random photo:

I Met the Adoption Worker (Finally!)

...It's only been 3 stinking months!  Geeze!

We were told, when Asher's goal was changed to adoption in April, that we just had to wait for our 6 months to be up, then we could get started on the adoption.  (In Illinois, the child has to be in your home for 6 months before you can start the adoption process.)  I called them on July 30th (our 6 month date), and left a voice mail asking to get started on it.

Lo and behold, in late October, I finally meet her for the first time!  I was nervous/excited beforehand, hoping to get a big pile of paperwork to get started on, etc.  Except, that didn't happen.  She told me that she's working on 9 adoptions right now, so it will be around 3 MONTHS before she even gets started on ours!  ugh!  I mean, I know people have to wait longer, but I just want to get it done!  He's so mine, anyway, that I just want to make it legal!

So, she told me to call an attorney to let him know that we're adopting a foster child.  The funny thing is, she's not allowed to tell me or give me a list of lawyers who work with the state of Illinois to do these adoptions.  Lucky for me, my mom and dad did it earlier this year, so Nick called my mom and got the name of their guy and is going to call him today.  The beauty is that this guy has done a million of these adoptions and gets his payment directly from the state of Illinois.  So, no out of pocket expenses for us!  (Not that I wouldn't be willing to pay to adopt him, but it's a nice perk to not have to! Know what I mean?)

Anyway, Asher was his usual, adorable self and she said she was going to take him home with her.  He ate up all the attention and all is well.  I guess we'll just stay status quo until the new year.

ICLW

Don't know what ICLW stands for?  Check it out here.

After reading quite a few blogs that are participating in ICLW this month, I noticed that lots of people wrote kind of a "welcome" post.  I thought this sounded like a good idea, so I'm hopping on the band wagon.  Here's me in a nutshell:

• I've been married for nearly 3 years to my high school sweetheart.
• I have PCOS, and have known since I was a teenager.
  
• We've done 5 failed rounds of clo.mid
• We've done 2 failed rounds of fem.ara
• I'm waiting for AF, so I can start my third (and final) round of fem.ara
• We plan to move on to injections in the new year if this last round doesn't work
• We had 1 early miscarriage in 2007 
  
• We are licensed foster parents
• We are in the process of adopting a 2 year old boy through the foster care system.  He was placed with us in January.
  
• I am getting into photography.

That's pretty much it!  I hope to make new internet friends and acquire new blogs to read this week!  Enjoy!

Variations on a Theme

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Heart the Lifebook Lady!

Those of you non-Foster parents probably don't have any idea what a lifebook is, or why it requires it's own lady.  I'll explain.  It's basically a scrapbook of the child's life that goes along with them, so they, in theory, will know what has happened in their life up to that point.  I say "in theory" because most kids I know who are in foster care either don't have one at all or have an empty one.  As for us, we were given the kit in August, but didn't really know any pertinent information to put into it.  That, my friends, is where the Lifebook Lady comes in!

She had told us when she gave us the kit that she was going to try to hunt down as much information as possible to put in it.  I hadn't heard from her in awhile, but she called last week to say that she had some information she'd like to give us.  We scheduled the appointment for 1pm today.

Turns out, she had gone to Asher's great-grandpa's house and had quite a long conversation with him and got lots of info (and pics!) for us.  (Asher had been placed there almost from the time he was removed from his mother's care until he was placed with us in January.)  She got information about the time he was with them and a little bit of info about his life beforehand (but not much...it probably wouldn't make for a good story anyway).  We have a copy of his birth certificate, so now I know what time he was born (2:24pm), the appropriate way to spell his middle name (McKelvey...not that it matters, since he's getting a new one anyway...), and his blood type (O+...same as me!).  I have a single, black and white, closed-eyed pic of his father, and I now know his name and birthday.  I have pics of his great-grandparents and some other family members.

But...most importantly...I...HAVE...BABY PICTURES!!!!  Two of them, to be precise.  The one of him brand new is a little blurry, but it's better than nothing.  The one of him at about 4 months old is so adorable that I don't even know if I can look right at it without bursting into cute-induced flames!  You want to see them, you say?  Well, alright....

 

Are those not the cutest things EVER?

Here's the thing, though.  There's one thing I hadn't counted on when I looked at all this information.  It never occurred to me how much it would bother me to see pics of him with people I don't know!  The way I see it, he is so totally mine in my mind and heart, that I legitimately forget that he's not "mine." Know what I mean?  To those of you with biological kids, think of how you'd feel if you ran into a pic of your child with some stranger!  It feels the same way for me, and it seriously surprised me!

But one thing is for sure...I love this child with all my heart.  I couldn't love him more if I had carried him within myself.  He will grow up knowing that, above all else.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Show and Tell Time!

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers!  Hence, Mel over at Stirrup Queens invented Show and Tell.  Go on over and see what my other classmates are showing!

I thought I'd share some pictures of my environment for Show and Tell this week.  It's really just to show off my new camera's abilities, though.  haha

 Wide Open Spaces...

The view which inspired my blog title...

This is the farm that has grown 4 generations (and is working on it's 5th)...

 This is my neighbor across the street...

This is the tree that my ancestors have climbed...

This is, quite literally, my back yard...

Corn...

Obligatory pic of Latte...

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day

Seems like a strange "holiday," doesn't it?

However, for the thousands of families who have been touched by miscarriage, still birth or infant/child loss, it's a day that draws some much-needed attention.  There are women who get pregnant and get the joy of being totally oblivious to beta numbers, progesterone levels, and symptom checking.  They go about their merry ways and 40-ish weeks later...VOILA! A beautiful, pink squirming baby arrives and every one cheers.  They continue on with life, repeating the cycle a handful of times.  I have nothing against these women. I am related to or friends with many of them.  I love them with all my heart.  But, they will never know the pain of seeing that bright red blood on the toilet paper for the first time.  They will never have to be told by a doctor, "I'm sorry, but the baby has no heartbeat."  They will never be called out of a dead sleep by a nurse or doctor to be told to come to the NICU to spend the last few minutes or hours their baby will spend on this earth.  They will never have the sheer terror of going to retrieve their infant out of their crib, and seeing that SIDS has taken their beautiful, perfect baby from them.  The list goes on and on...

While, I unfortunately have to be a member of this "club," it's not for myself that I am overcome with sadness today.  For me, I would have been blissfully unaware of my miscarriage had I not chosen to test when I did.  I sometimes wonder if that would have been better.  However, I think it gives me a little peek of understanding into the lives of these unwitting club members.  My heart is broken today for the women who got to enjoy the internal presence of their babies for weeks or months or a full 40 weeks, only to have to unexpectedly say goodbye.  I know their pain must be a hundred times worse than the pain I felt upon seeing that second line had disappeared.

I'd like to ask you, my lovelies, to join me in prayer for these women and families today.  There are two families in the forefront of my mind today.  Perhaps you'd like to join me in prayer for them?

My sister found out yesterday that she has suffered a third miscarriage.  She was about 12 weeks.  She was given no warning...no sudden lessening of sickness or fatigue...no bleeding or cramping...nothing.  She had to be told by a dis-compassionate midwife that "the baby is dead and has no heartbeat."  She had to hear her precious baby referred to as "tissue" to be removed.  To top it off, she has to walk around for almost a week knowing that her baby is no longer with her, but is still very much with her.  Her D+C is scheduled for next Tuesday.  My heart is broken for her, and I wish I knew what I could do to help her other than answering her questions and just being present for her should she need me.  And, of course, letting her know that God knows her pain, because He, too, had to give up a child.

The other family are the ones I shared with you previously.  These internet friends of mine have just had to bury their 2nd child in 11 months.  The first was a still birth, and the most recent was born at 35 weeks and found to unexpectedly have a genetic defect.  This family is handling this with such grace and love that it warms my heart.  They've been able to take a trip as a couple and know that their two girls, Casey and Avery, would have wanted it that way.  I pray that God will wrap His arms around them and help them to know that their girls are with Him.

I'm sure you know of other families affected by pregnancy or infant loss.  I'd love to know who they are so I can pray with you for them today.

Random

I got tagged by my good friend Brenda to do a post about 25 random thoughts I have.  Since I'm at work anyway, I thought I'd go ahead and give it a go.  Enjoy!
 
1. I don't understand why people get so crazy upset when a celebrity dies.  I mean, it's not like you knew them personally!  (Don't ask how I responded when I found out that Ernest from the "Ernest Goes to..." movies was dead.)
 
2. I feel bad that I really don't pay attention to politics.  I just kind of vote based on a couple of issues and don't really care much beyond that.  I know that's terrible, but it's true.  (I've had people ask me questions and I answer them with a blank stare because I have no idea what they're talking about.)
 
3. I'm glad I got my mom's spelling/grammar/fast reading gene (and yes, I'm convinced they're all housed in the same place).  I've been known to read an entire book in a really slow shift at work.
 
4. Am I the only one who has watched enough Full House to notice the inconsistencies? Uncle Jesse's last name changes at some point.  He also goes back to get his high school diploma when he previously talked about not wearing the mortarboard at his high school graduation because it would mess up his hair.  I have more, but I won't bore you...
 
5. Full House is awesome.
 
6. I hate that I am terrified of the dentist. I can think of a laundry list of very unpleasant things I'd rather do than go to the dentist. Pap smear in front of an audience? Sign me up!
 
7. My mom never warned me that my first gynecologist appointment would include a breast exam and it freaked me out thoroughly!
 
8. Once, a doctor gave me a breast exam without warning me first and I almost had a giggle fit from the shock.
 
9. My family gives me laughing fits regularly--usually in inappropriate places.
 
10. One of the perks of being the youngest nurse in the OB department is getting to be the resident guru of all things Facebook/computer/technology in general.
 
11. I wish I had perfect skin.  Whenever it's time to get new facewash (or shampoo and conditioner for that matter) I spend no less than 10-15 minutes in that section trying to find the perfect one.
 
12. I find it disturbing how much I am impacted by advertizing.  I can't even tell you how many times I've seen a commercial for something (usually food) and texted Nick at work to have him bring it home.
 
13. I really like food.
 
14. Sometimes I pick my nose, then look in the rearview mirror and see Asher doing it.  Then I say, "No! Yuck!" and feel a little hypocritical.
 
15. It melts my heart when I tell Asher "I love you!" and he says, "ah too, Mama!"
 
16. While taking the little kid's youth group roller skating on Wednesday, Nick and I did the "Moonlight Skate," only I walked and he skated.  When I was younger the song they played was "Everything I Do (I Do it for You)" by Bryan Adams.  Now they play "When You Look Me in the Eyes" by The Jonas Brothers.
 
17. I have one of those two songs on my iPod. I'll let you guess which.
 
18. Number 16 was the first "Moonlight Skate" I ever participated in, despite skating my butt off as a youth.
 
19. I love taking pics of myself with the "Myspace Angle."
 
20. Sometimes, the smell of uncooked white rice makes me think of kindergarten.  They had an indoor sandbox filled with it.
 
21. I really want a Great Dane. I want to name him something overtly human like "Kevin" or "Ted" or "Bob."
 
22. I think my grandma might kill me if I got a great dane.  She does own my house, after all.
 
23. I wonder how many texts I would have to send in a month to be considered a "text-a-holic?"
 
24. I'm pretty sure the system we use to type birth certificates was used by God to type Adam's birth certificate.
 
25. I wonder if #24 counts as irreverent? I didn't mean it to!
 
I'd love to hear your 25 Random Thoughts!  If you choose to do it, let me know, so I can enjoy them!

A Poem

I ran into this poem on someone's blog, so I googled it.  Turns out, it's by an unknown author and there are many different versions.  I chose my favorite and made this picture:

I know Asher will have questions when he gets older.  I just hope I can explain to him that we love him more than words could ever express, and his birth mother loved him enough to know he deserved better than she could give him.

Every day, it seems, I look at Nick and say, "I love him SO much!" I am amazed that 9 months ago, we had never met him!  And now, not a day goes by that I don't look at Nick with Asher and get a little choked up.  He loves his daddy SO much, and his daddy loves him SO much! 

And, even if I never get to see another child be totally, head-over-heels in love with his daddy--or that daddy be totally, head-over-heels in love with his child--I will still have seen more love than most people are blessed to see in their entire lives.

The Ubiquitous Single Line

Ugh.

I mean, really?

I can't think of any 3 minute increments that I hate more than the 3 minutes between the dip and the read.

Perhaps you've lived this scene, as well?
Disposable cup with fresh pee?  Check!
Ridiculously expensive stick with absorbent tip?  Oh yeah!
Husband standing by to say, "I'm sorry, baby"?  You know it!
Knowledge that there will only be 1 line there, but secretly hoping to see 2?  Unfortunately, yes.
Working very hard to throw yourself into making muffins, all the while being unable to function at a normal level? Yep!

I lived it (again!) this morning.  I knew it would be negative, but I wanted to get it over with.  I'll be starting my provera on Thursday, and we have one more refill of Femara left.  I'm thinking we'll do this last cycle, and take the rest of the year off.  I'll try to get a January appointment with the RE, to move on to the next step.

But, in the meantime, in the back of my mind, I always see a single pink line...

Then, I begin to feel bad that I get so down about my infertility, when there are people with much bigger issues to work through.

Case in point, a very good internet friend of mine unexpectedly lost her newborn daughter to a genetic defect they didn't know she had before she was born a week and a half ago.  To make matters worse, last November, this same couple lost an unborn daughter midway through the pregnancy with no warning.  No one should have to bury one child, much less two in 11 months!  Please keep this couple in your prayers at this difficult time.

"Not Me" Monday...Date-iversary Edition!

Today is Nick and my 6th "date-iversary!"  (The anniversary of our first date, in case you couldn't figure that out.)  On October 5, 2003, Nick and I officially became an item.  I wanted to do a "Not Me" post, but I also wanted to talk about the last 6 years, so I decided to combine them.  Hopefully, MckMama (who thought up "Not Me" Monday) won't mind.

 

Here goes...

I did not meet my husband in third grade when he started attending my church.

I did not remain completely oblivious to him until after I moved to Minnesota, and he hit puberty and got extremely good-looking.  I would never do such a thing, because that would be shallow.

I did not say to my mom, after a visit to our old church, that I wanted to marry someone like him someday.  (She did not answer, "Well, he seems to be available." I did not roll my eyes.)

My mom does not claim to have known before either of us did that he was "The One." (My mom is awesome like that.)

My heart did certainly not go aflutter every time I saw his name in my email inbox!  (While we're at it, I obviously did not let it be known that I had the hugest crush on him EVER to my mom, sisters, and best friends.)  (I also did not carry a picture of him around in my wallet.)

I obviously do not remember the first meal we ate together or first movie we saw together, even though we were just friends.  (It wasn't Subway sandwiches eaten in a gazebo or "Spiderman.")

I did not bat my eye lashes and nicely ask if he'd skip school to attend a family funeral with me.  (He, of course, did not do that, because that would be educationally irresponsible.)

I did not think to myself, "Maybe now we can get together," when my family moved back to Illinois after 4 years in Minnesota.

I did not get extremely irritated with him for being completely oblivious that I was totally in love with him in the 8 months between moving back to Illinois and when we got together.

I did not bribe my then 6 year old sister with treats so he and I could "talk about the possibility of getting together" while at the fair.

I did not jump for joy when he decided he wanted to pursue our courtship!

I certainly did not realize, before writing this post, that this picture is the earliest one I have of the two of us in digital format.

This is May 2004.  Oh, how young we were! 

I also did not realize that I am more in love with this man than I was 6 years ago!

This is not a picture of us freezing our heinies off at my brother's football game last Friday night.

I love you, Honey!  I can't wait to see what the next years bring.  Thanks for being such a godly man and showing me love every day!

(Do you feel like puking yet?)

"Show and Tell" Time!

Mel over at stirrup-queens.com came up with this great idea some time ago.  The idea is that every week, people who choose to participate can "show" and/or "tell" about something.  Then, we get our blogs put on a list of people who are participating, thereby generating more readers, etc.  Plus, it's just fun!  You can find the list of other show-and-tellers here.

I always read hers, but I've never really had a great idea for what to do for my own post.  So, I decided to go through my iPhoto and decide on something for this week's edition.  I give you...Latte!

This (above) is the very first day we got him from my Mom.  His real name is MooLatte (like from DQ), but we all call him Latte.  He does hilarious and weird things all the time!  I'll share a few!

He likes to sit inside bags and boxes! An empty pop box is his favorite, but anything will do!

He loves water! He always jumps in the shower when I'm in it, but never when Nick does.  In this picture, he had gotten himself stuck in the corner of the bathtub and couldn't get out.  So, he fell in.  Now, a normal cat would have jumped out immediately.  But Latte chose to stay there long enough that I could take a picture with my cell phone, send it to my mom and consider taking another one!  He then jumped out, getting me, Asher, the bathroom, the kitchen and the dining room soaking wet!

Here, he is pictured with Mia, our middle cat.  They love to cuddle and wrestle.

He, of course, loves to sleep.  This cheap, red Walmart pillow is his favorite.  He's been known to sleep curled up on top of it, or just use it like a human would.

Here, you can see him "helping" give Asher a bath.  It never goes well.

Here he is with Mia, again.  Sleeping in their kitty bunk beds.  Obviously, Mia is too big, but she stuffs herself in there anyway!

Here, you can see him in his other favorite spot: the bathroom sink!  This particular evening, Asher had been reading this book on the potty.  I decided it would be hilarious to put the book in with Latte and take a picture.  Obviously, Latte doesn't agree.  (Shortly after this picture was taken, Asher dipped the book in the bath tub...it's a library book.)

So, there you have it!  My first attempt at "Show and Tell!"  Now, head on over here and see what my other classmates are up to!