Thursday, October 15, 2009

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day

Seems like a strange "holiday," doesn't it?

However, for the thousands of families who have been touched by miscarriage, still birth or infant/child loss, it's a day that draws some much-needed attention.  There are women who get pregnant and get the joy of being totally oblivious to beta numbers, progesterone levels, and symptom checking.  They go about their merry ways and 40-ish weeks later...VOILA! A beautiful, pink squirming baby arrives and every one cheers.  They continue on with life, repeating the cycle a handful of times.  I have nothing against these women. I am related to or friends with many of them.  I love them with all my heart.  But, they will never know the pain of seeing that bright red blood on the toilet paper for the first time.  They will never have to be told by a doctor, "I'm sorry, but the baby has no heartbeat."  They will never be called out of a dead sleep by a nurse or doctor to be told to come to the NICU to spend the last few minutes or hours their baby will spend on this earth.  They will never have the sheer terror of going to retrieve their infant out of their crib, and seeing that SIDS has taken their beautiful, perfect baby from them.  The list goes on and on...

While, I unfortunately have to be a member of this "club," it's not for myself that I am overcome with sadness today.  For me, I would have been blissfully unaware of my miscarriage had I not chosen to test when I did.  I sometimes wonder if that would have been better.  However, I think it gives me a little peek of understanding into the lives of these unwitting club members.  My heart is broken today for the women who got to enjoy the internal presence of their babies for weeks or months or a full 40 weeks, only to have to unexpectedly say goodbye.  I know their pain must be a hundred times worse than the pain I felt upon seeing that second line had disappeared.

I'd like to ask you, my lovelies, to join me in prayer for these women and families today.  There are two families in the forefront of my mind today.  Perhaps you'd like to join me in prayer for them?

My sister found out yesterday that she has suffered a third miscarriage.  She was about 12 weeks.  She was given no sudden lessening of sickness or bleeding or cramping...nothing.  She had to be told by a dis-compassionate midwife that "the baby is dead and has no heartbeat."  She had to hear her precious baby referred to as "tissue" to be removed.  To top it off, she has to walk around for almost a week knowing that her baby is no longer with her, but is still very much with her.  Her D+C is scheduled for next Tuesday.  My heart is broken for her, and I wish I knew what I could do to help her other than answering her questions and just being present for her should she need me.  And, of course, letting her know that God knows her pain, because He, too, had to give up a child.

The other family are the ones I shared with you previously.  These internet friends of mine have just had to bury their 2nd child in 11 months.  The first was a still birth, and the most recent was born at 35 weeks and found to unexpectedly have a genetic defect.  This family is handling this with such grace and love that it warms my heart.  They've been able to take a trip as a couple and know that their two girls, Casey and Avery, would have wanted it that way.  I pray that God will wrap His arms around them and help them to know that their girls are with Him.

I'm sure you know of other families affected by pregnancy or infant loss.  I'd love to know who they are so I can pray with you for them today.


Brenda October 15, 2009 at 10:16 AM  

I'm so sorry. You know I think life is incredibly unfair on a million levels and this is just one of them. I'm praying for you my sweet friend and now your sister too. And I'll pray for so many others who are mourning what could have been today. Love you! beautiful post.