Friday, October 15, 2010

I Tested

...BFN.

It was 1 hour shy of 13dpo.  I'd held my pee for 6 hours, so surely it's an accurate result.  I'm going to stop my prometrium suppositories.  I'll probably test again tomorrow, because I'm a glutton for punishment.

As usual, after trying to just act like it didn't affect me (while I brushed my teeth and Nick tilted the test back and forth trying to see any semblance of a line), I spent the obligatory 10-15 minutes crying over the unfairness of it all.  Then, once my sheets and pillowcase were wet from my tears, I decided I was done crying over it for awhile and we went to bed.

Nick wants me to talk to the RE about his count and see if he needs to go back to be seen by the urologist.  I just want to up my meds and have 2 eggs!  For the love of pete!  I think our insurance only covers 7 iui's total, so I guess we need to figure out what we're going to do.  I hate to use up all our iui's and have none left if we wanted to try again after having a baby.  So, I don't know. 

This whole thing really just makes me want to have a pity party and I have to make a conscious effort to not.  It's so hard in my line of work when I see stupid 16 year olds having babies and 20 year olds on their third child.  I've been trying to get pregnant to varying degrees for almost 4 years!  I always wanted a large family, but at this rate, I'll be doing good if I can manage to have a baby in addition to Asher.  I know my biological clock isn't ticking or anything, but I don't imagine it's going to get any easier the older I get.  If I can't manage to get it done at 21, 22, 23, or 24, what are the odds it's going to be easier at 31, 32, 33, or 34?  It's just so easy to get discouraged.  Sorry you all have to hear me whine all the time. 

5 comments:

Alex October 15, 2010 at 11:12 AM  

Ugh - I'm sorry. It could be... I would wait a couple more days to stop the suppositories, just in case. But hugs to you, this stuff is really hard.

lowfatlady October 15, 2010 at 12:08 PM  

I am so sorry for the bfn. That sucks so much to see that. I know what you mean about just wanting more than one egg. I think your husband asking if he needs to back to the urologist is a good idea. It's always good to have that covered before you use up one of your iui's.

Jess October 15, 2010 at 11:33 PM  

I am so sorry! {{{HUGS}}} Praying for you!

lifefamilysanity October 16, 2010 at 3:57 PM  

Suck!!!! While there is no harm in discussing Nick's count with the RE, I think you are right that you need more follie's. With only one follie your chances are only 20% each cycle. Has the RE started talking Gonal F, yet? IDK about your other med's, but maybe Metformin (or upping your Met) would help.

I cannot imagine how you do what you do while going through infertility and loss. I really don't. You are so strong. I really do admire how you're able to maintain your faith and go to work everyday while cycling.

The Flukens October 18, 2010 at 12:09 AM  

I'm so sorry Krystal. I hate this for you and for me and every other woman who has seen an unwanted bfn. Hugs though and keep the faith!